Why are we giving child molesters Viagra on the NHS?

IF I'D written a spoof column about a serial paedophile given Viagra on the NHS and then being freed by a court after he was convicted of molesting an 11-year-old girl, you'd think I'd finally taken leave of my senses. Steady on, Rich. You've gone too far this time, even by your standards. We all know things are bad, but this is Fantasy Island stuff.

Sadly not.

Roger Martin appeared at Peterborough Crown Court this week and pleaded guilty to 'inappropriately touching' a girl who was cleaning his sheltered accommodation to earn some pocket money.

Martin, 71, has a string of convictions for assaults on minors, dating back to 1978 when he was caught having sex with a 15-year-old babysitter.

It was revealed in court that he was being prescribed Viagra by his GP to treat diabetes. The probation service said it had no powers or any inclination to stop him taking the drug.

Spokesman John McAngus said: 'We could not and would not restrict the use of prescription medication, be it Viagra or anything else. What we do is our utmost to help sex offenders address their offending behaviour.'

And despite his history of molesting children and the likelihood of Viagra enhancing his sex drive, the pre-trial probation report stated that Martin posed a 'relatively modest' risk of reoffending.

His barrister pleaded for leniency, arguing that his client 'wouldn't be able to cope' with a spell in prison and should be treated in the community.

RELUCTANTLY, Judge Nicholas Coleman agreed to impose a non-custodial sentence because of Martin's age and ill-health, even though there is nothing to stop him continuing to take Viagra and reoffending.

After being released, Martin said his Viagra use was 'a personal thing really'.

He added: 'I live on my own and I don't have any female company and I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.'

Try telling that to his 11-year-old victim.

In a case like this, it's difficult to know where to start. There have always been some dodgy characters in Peterborough. When I lived there, everyone knew the neighbourhood nonce and where he lived. Parents would warn their children about him. His nickname was a dead giveaway. He was called Frank the Bummer.

Frank used to hang around the lido and invite children to swim between his legs. But that was about as far as it went, to the best of my knowledge. If he had more carnal urges I'm not sure he ever did anything about them.

Had he ever been caught molesting a child, he wouldn't have got away with a bit of community service. The community would have built a gibbet in Cathedral Square and strung him up.

If he'd presented himself at the NHS surgery seeking something to put lead in his pencil, his doctor would have known all about him and called the police. In those days, GPs lived, worked and had often grown up in the same town as their patients. That's not always the case today, with mega clinics and many doctors newly arrived from other parts of the country and from overseas.

Patients don't always see the same doctor twice. GPs have to rely on the records in front of them. Martin was not obliged to disclose his sex convictions.

So it would be harsh to blame the doctor, although we might question why he prescribed Viagra for diabetes, rather than insulin.

It isn't clear whether Martin's probation officer knew he was taking the little blue pill. But even if he did, he thought it was none of his business.

Why was there considered only a 'relatively modest' chance that Martin might reoffend, given that he was already on probation when he carried out his latest assault? I've always assumed that someone who committed a crime while on probation went straight to jail without passing Go.

And what about the judge who acquiesced to a plea for a noncustodial sentence because Martin 'wouldn't be able to cope' with a prison term? Tough. He should have thought about that when he was attacking an 11-year-old girl.

The judge told him: 'You appear to persist in applying for the sexually stimulating drug Viagra and you continue to be prescribed it.'

So why take the risk that he might attack another child?

MARTIN'S been at it for 30 years. He's hardly likely to stop now. The safest place for him is behind bars. If he needs treatment, let him get it in prison.

All the individuals are culpable in this case, but it's the system which is rotten.

The doctor could have probed more thoroughly into Martin's reasons for wanting Viagra before writing him a repeat prescription.

But GPs are pressured to get patients out of the door as quickly as possible to meet central targets, so he probably settled for the line of least resistance.

The modern probation service is staffed by paid-up Guardianistas and is designed to serve the best interests of their criminal 'clients' not the safety of the wider public.

And as a result of the Government's failure to build enough prison places, judges are under pressure to hand down community sentences wherever possible. Maybe that's why Judge Coleman took the soft option and set Martin free.

Even the language used is 'nonjudgmental'. Child molesting is downgraded to 'inappropriate touching'.

Labour promised to be 'tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime' and this is the result. We've ended up with a career paedophile on Viagra, supplied by the NHS, molesting an 11-year-old girl and then being freed by a court on compassionate grounds because he can't face a spell in prison, poor lamb.

You couldn't make it up.

Banned from K-Mart

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

DON'T TAKE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO GO...........

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local K -Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay -b y.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least .. 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Name That Beer

The brewery held a contest to select a name for the new beer they had been developing.
They advertised over all the airwaves, TV and in all the newspapers.
They received thousands of submissions.

The panel of judges was kept busy for many weeks sorting through all of the entries.
Finally they settled on one particular entry -
"Love On A Lake".

The selected entry was given to the president of the company for his approval.
The president's comment was, "I like the name but, I'm puzzled as to how the contestant selected this name. If he can explain the meaning of the name, I'll be happy to award the prize to him."

The judges located the contestant.
When they asked him for an explanation, he responded,
"Well, love on a lake is f*cking near water.... and that's what this beer tastes like!!"

Poo-jama Party

It was New Year's Eve, I was 8 and our parents had friends to stay over, one of whose kids had a big patch of wee on his Y-fronts at bedtime where he'd not shaken off. I laughed too hard and in my excitement did the loudest, longest fart ever heard and, on inspection, found I'd left a horrid little turd in the back of my Clothkits PJs. My brother broke the news in colourful language to my mum (just serving dinner) in front of her esteemed guests and she had to take off her apron to come upstairs and wipe my arse. So don't laugh too hard at other people's accidents...